Nothing Left To Lose...

Well, it is finally here. The day I've dreaded for a year and now it's over. Almost anyway. I remember when I was a little girl (oh gosh, I'm starting to sound like those 80 year old ladies you see on the TV or on the movies occasionally) and my birthday used to be something magical. I was the bell of the ball. I was the princess. An entire day revolving around me. I was the center of attention and I loved it. I got a cake in the morning and in the evenings my mother would always say (because I was the oldest): "This is the first time I get to put an X-year old to sleep" (likewise she said to my sister the day before her birthday (because she is younger than me): "This is the last time I get to put an X-year old to sleep"). I don't know what made that so special and so precious to me back then. Maybe it was because I felt big, maybe it was the fact that I got to eat cake for breakfast, but it was something about that special day that I cherished, and now it's not there anymore. Instead of counting the days to my birthday with joy over the fact that I was getting older I am now dreading the day and I'd rather not have it at all. To me, now, getting older is something I want to avoid to the max, and my birthday does not feel very special anymore.I don't know what created that atmosphere when I was growing up but it's now gone. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all the gestures and the singing (I really appreciate it that all of my Biology-classmates stood up and sang for me in Bio, thank you guys for that) and the wishing a Happy Birthday (and I really thought that my lollipop was sweet, and of course the cake and the presents that my friends brought after school. I love you guys!) and everything else that comes along, but no matter how many times I get wished a happy birthday, it doesn't bring back that special feeling that I'm the princess (though my friends with the present and cake came very close in succeeding, I have to say, and it was very sweet! The note on the packet is now on my door, I might add ;) ). Though I have felt that this was my special day, I don't have that childhood feeling that used to be there, and I really miss that...
Okay, enough of my birthday depressions now. So today I got some of my presents :) Not the ones from home, cause them I'm getting on Friday, but I got that lollipop from one of my classmates, and from the ones with the cake, I got bubbles for bubble bath (that is sliiiiiiiiightly addictive... mmm.... bubble bath..... *drool*;)), a sponge in the shape of a frog and balloons for all my problems (like my birthday depression perhaps :P) and my mother sent me some money... Oh and the cake was great too! Also, I was Little Miss Popular today (hmmm.... wonder why :P) and I got a bunch of texts and my mother and sister called this morning at 6.45 and sang for me ^^ I thought that was sweet of them.

All in all, it was quite a good day anyway, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be :)

Gotta go now though.

Love ya all, and thanks for all the attention on my special day :D

Kisses & Hugs